Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
