i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
