I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
