don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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