I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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