ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
