are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
