So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
