please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
