i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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