Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize