I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you had me at cake vodka
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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