He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He better not be in your backpack
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
