I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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