don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
