thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
