My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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