How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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