If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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