People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
