She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize