i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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