Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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