let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize