You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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