oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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