then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize