he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
