Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
