M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
