And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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