Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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