As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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