You just made me feel so damn special
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
