I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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