It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
