Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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