She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
