Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
