i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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