Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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