Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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