sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
