I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
