Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
