How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
