Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
