Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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