If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize