Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
