FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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