when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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