So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
