I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
