I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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