walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Vodka?
Forever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
