5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
