I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
