hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
