The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
