I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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