Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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