guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
