Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
