woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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