She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize