honey bunches of taint.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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