hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
