Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he puts the penis in happiness.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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