I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His hands were made for my vagina.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
