You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
