I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize