Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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