U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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