Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
