I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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