You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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