you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
