wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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