These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
