worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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