I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
