i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize