U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
