There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
