I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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