You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
