I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
