I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
