I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
