Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
