those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You were trust falling into bushes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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