So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
