Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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