trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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