well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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