After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
