I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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