Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
