Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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