He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
