there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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