I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
