remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
