Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize