If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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