Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
