Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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