I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
