It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
