remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
