Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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