I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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