I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
