I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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