a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
