nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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