I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
