I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
