I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
