hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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