It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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